Fireproof Part 4: Marriage

For the final week of this "Fireproof" series, I have decided to talk about marriage. After all, marriage is what the movie is concentrated on. Now I know what some of you may be thinking. "Steph, how can you be discussing marriage when you are not married yourself!?" I understand this concern completely. My response to you is that I study what the Word of God has to say about marriage and the marriages I observe around me because I know one day in the future, I plan on being married. Therefore, I prepare my heart, mind, and soul now, that way when Mr. Right comes along, I will be ready! Remember, we date with the intent of marriage in mind.

Marriage is quite a tricky subject because there are so many aspects of marriage that can be discussed. In this entry, I am going to speak of marriage in a more general sense; what the Word of God says marriage is and what God intended marriage to be. The Word states that Jesus told the Pharisees, “Haven’t you read the Scriptures?” Jesus replied. “They record that from the beginning ‘God made them male and female.’ ” And he said, “‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together” (Matthew 19:4-6 NLT). Ever since Adam and Eve, God intended marriage to be a lifelong, satisfying companionship; a union between a man and a woman that should never be broken. Unfortunately, people have developed a warped perspective on marriage and the word "union". People in our day and age think that marriage is just a piece of paper that signifies taking your relationship to the "next level" and can be easily discarded when times get too tough. It's easier to just get divorced than to stay with your partner and work things out. Jesus even went as far as to say, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries someone else, she commits adultery” (Mark 10:11-12 NLT). My friends, I challenge you to think differently! Don't let the lies of the enemy overwhelm your relationship! If it is anything the movie taught me, it's that with God, all things broken can be mended! Know that being in a marriage is hard work! You are going to fight, disagree, have good days and bad days. Always remember to keep God first!! Talk to each other (try not to yell), pray with each other, make time for each other, show each other that you care, put each other's needs ahead of your own, and if necessary, know when you guys need space! My uncle taught me something I will never forget. He told me, "If both you and your partner are deaf, blind, and mute, how would you let each other know you love each other? By your actions!" Don't just tell them that you love them, SHOW them! If you and your spouse are going through a rough patch, no matter how bad it may seem, I challenge you to take the 40 Day Challenge and see how God can transform your marriage. (Of course if you are in an emotionally, mentally, or physically abusive relationship, GET OUT AND SEEK HELP!!!) 

Scripture also says that marriage is a representation of the union between Christ and his bride, the Church. "And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body" (Ephesians 5:21-30 NLT). Men, be the head of the household! Be firm and decisive, yet humble and unselfish! Love your wife just as Jesus loved the Church. So much in fact, He died for the Church! Women, don't be afraid of the term "submissive". You can be submissive to your husbands leadership, yet still be strong in how you are as an individual. Be nurturing, understanding, wise and secure. If you both believe in and want the same things, submitting to his leadership shouldn't be a problem anyways because he will want what you want as well! God wants the best for you! The good news is it's not to late for you to achieve it if you make God the center of your lives! Stay Strong! 

"This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together." (Mark 10:7-9 NLT)

Fireproof Part 3: Break Ups

For this week, I wanted to talk about something I know many of us have gone through or may be in the mist of facing: break ups. I feel that this topic is important because how you handle a break up can make a huge impact on your life. 

Let me start off by saying I can personally relate to how terrible break ups can be. I know what it feels like to invest so much time and effort into one person and then have it fall apart right before your eyes. I know first hand the pain and anger that comes from the separation of two hearts. You may not see the light at the end of the tunnel just yet, but I promise you it's there! You have to discipline yourself to keep moving forward through the hurt, which I know may be a lot easier said than done. At the end of every storm, you come out stronger and a little wiser than you were before the storm. Rest assured that God feels your hurt and He will comfort you and get you through anything! One of my favorite Bible verses is Proverbs 3:5-6 which says "Trust in the LORD with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take" (NLT). This verse is so important because we have to understand that even though we may not understand why certain things are happening in our lives, God knows what He is doing! You have to consider the possibility that God has something better planned for you! 

Do NOT handle a break up by doing things like constant partying, breaking their things, staking them, trying to make them jealous, isolating yourself from the rest of the world, falling for the next person who is remotely nice to you, or flirting with every other person that walks by. These things are just simply unwise and are not going to help you. Instead, try surrounding yourself with Godly people who have your best interest at heart and are going to help you through your tough time! You could also partner with someone else who may be going through what you're going through so you two can help lift each other up! But of course, seek comfort in The Lord first and foremost, for He will always provide. Be mature about it and stay classy my friends! 

If you and your partner are considering breaking up, I advise you to seek Gods counsel! Maybe you guys are just going through a rough patch in your relationship that doesn't necessarily have to lead to breaking up. Remember that God is capable of getting you through anything and can fix all things! "Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand" (Isaiah 41:10 NLT). Talk it out and think things through before you potentially enter into a world of hurt. Always remember, GOD IS GOOD AND HE LOVES YOU!!! Stay Strong! 

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. (Psalms 34:18 NLT)

Fireproof Part 2: Dating

For this week, I will be talking about dating from the Christian point of view. The key concept I am going to focus on is patience! Friends, do not rush into things! Do not give people you are only dating benefits intended for marriage. Trust me when I say this. I am speaking from personal experience! If you allow God to take control of the relationship and where it's going to go, you are going to be much better off than if you take the relationship into your own hands. Proverbs 19:2 says "Desire without knowledge is not good, and whoever makes haste with his feet misses his way" (ESV). Rushing into things driven by desire is going to lead you to missing out on everything God wants for you, which is the absolute best! This person may be telling you everything you want to hear and you may like them with every fiber of your being, but at the end of the day, if they are not the one, THEY ARE NOT THE ONE! Don't waist your time, love, and energy on someone who doesn't deserve it. God will lead you to the right person! Just Trust Him! Boys, more times than not, a good girl is not going to come up to you first (this rule of course not being set in stone). So it's ok to plant a seed of interest. Once you do, step back and allow God to decide whether He permits the relationship to grow any further. The important thing about dating is that this time is to be used to get to know each other better, see whether you guys are truly compatible, see how you guys would react in certain situations, see if you guys want the same things out of life, what your common interests are, etc. Remember, run off God's confirmation, NOT your feelings. 

I understand how this concept of being patient can be hard considering the fast paced, "I want what I want and I want it when I want it" kinda world we live in. We are not a fan of waiting for things. But I believe good things truly do come to people who wait. God will reward your patience in his perfect timing.

Now when you two go out, do your best to not place yourself in situations that could lead to potential temptation. If that means going out in a group of friends rather than just the two of you, DO IT! I'm not saying you can't have some alone time, but be wise about it! Don't place yourself in situations you may regret later. Your relationship will be much stronger in the end. Stay Strong! 

So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. (2 Timothy 2:22 ESV)

Fireproof Part 1: Singleness

If you're wondering why this blog entry is called Fireproof, it's because one of the most inspiring movies I have ever seen in my lifetime is Fireproof staring Kirk Cameron and Erin Bethea. It was so moving and really encouraged me that with God in our relationships, anything is possible! This movie has inspired me to write a 4 part series about relationships based what the Bible has to say about them and some of my personal experiences. The goal is to build "fireproof" relationships! By that I mean relationships that can withstand fires (or the difficult times) with God's strength and love! That's not to say that the fires won't come, but you will overcome them and they will make your relationship stronger in Jesus name! Let's start with the first stage of relationships, singleness. 

You may be wondering "What does being single have to do with being in a relationship"? Well, I'm glad you asked! Being single is probably one of the most important periods of your life because how you spend your time being single can have a huge impact on your future relationships! If you spend your time pursuing unconfirmed relationships and worldly things, you may wind up with many scars and into situations you may regret later which could carry into your future relationships; this is commonly known as "baggage". If you keep giving people who are not meant for you pieces of your heart, you are only going to have scraps left to give your future spouse! If you spend your time pursuing God and trusting that he truly does desire the best for you, He can bless you with a love that will stand the test of time!  For those of you who are single, I encourage you to spend some time studying 1 Corinthians 7. Paul gives great advice on pre-marriage relationships and marriage throughout the entire chapter. One passage in particular I am refering to is verses 17-24 where Paul mentions being content in your current situation. You see, it is so easy to get frustrated at the "single" label, but remember no matter what situation you are in, you have an opportunity to serve God and your community! “The Spirit of the LORD is upon me, for he has anointed me to bring Good News to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim that captives will be released, that the blind will see, that the oppressed will be set free" (Luke 4:18 NLT). Don't forget we Christians have a very important job to do (evangelize AKA save lives!). Don't be upset that you are single! Use this time to grow as a person and in your beliefs! Find out things about yourself such as what your interests are, who your real friends are, what makes you unique, what you believe with all your heart, things you are not willing to give up once you do enter into a relationship, what you want out of life, etc.

One thing that I can't help but find comical is when people say things like "there is no such thing as a perfect person for you because no one is perfect!" Well, they may be right about "no one is perfect", but I believe that is the equivalence of saying "God, you are able to create the universe, move any mountain, calm any storm, heal any disease, but make the perfect spouse... geee... I don't know God... that's just impossible". What!?!? Jesus even said “What do you mean, ‘If I can’?” Jesus asked. “Anything is possible if a person believes.” (Mark 9:23 NLT) This is the same God that we proclaim "For nothing will be impossible with God.” (Luke 1:37 ESV) NOTHING!!!! Not even a perfect spouse!!! I believe that when God created you, He saw YOU, His son/daughter and thought, "I love this child, MY child, so much, not only will I sacrifice my one and only son for them, I am going to go before them and plan the BEST life possible for them, so that they may know who I am and have a relationship with me!" That perfect someone is out there for you, but you have to choose God's will and be patient enough to wait for them to come at the right time! Don't let the enemy use doubt to rob you of what is rightfully yours!!! Personally, being single has kept me from the distractions of being in a relationship so that I may discover more about myself and my God. Even though you may feel lonely or like no one likes you, trust in God's perfect timing and know He does have great things planned for you! Stay Strong! 

Each of you, dear brothers and sisters, should remain as you were when God first called you. (1 Corinthians 7:24 NLT)

Trust and Faith

As a person in general, one thing I have struggled with over the years and still struggle with from time to time is trust. If you have read my other posts, you would know that I have been hurt quite a few times in the past. Therefore, I have become very selective with who I allow into my heart. I am also a planner. If I'm going to fall, I want to know when I'm going to fall, how I'm going to fall, and what exactly I'm going to fall on. Then I read a few verses in Hebrews that brought me back down to earth. Hebrews 11:7-12 says "It was by faith that Noah built a large boat to save his family from the flood. He obeyed God, who warned him about things that had never happened before. By his faith Noah condemned the rest of the world, and he received the righteousness that comes by faith. It was by faith that Abraham obeyed when God called him to leave home and go to another land that God would give him as his inheritance. He went without knowing where he was going. And even when he reached the land God promised him, he lived there by faith—for he was like a foreigner, living in tents. And so did Isaac and Jacob, who inherited the same promise. Abraham was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God. It was by faith that even Sarah was able to have a child, though she was barren and was too old. She believed that God would keep his promise. And so a whole nation came from this one man who was as good as dead—a nation with so many people that, like the stars in the sky and the sand on the seashore, there is no way to count them" (Hebrews 11:7-12 NLT).

You see, all of the people mentioned in these verses (and many others throughout the Bible) had to simply trust God. The natural thing to do (at least for me) is to doubt. How could I go somewhere without knowing where I am going? Why would I plan to accomplish something without knowing if it's even going to happen? In this life it is so easy to get discouraged by circumstances or the people around you, but Hebrews also says "Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see" (Hebrews 11:1 NLT). God knows how stubborn I can be, yet He tells me I need to trust him. I have to trust that He knows what He is doing. I have to trust that His plans for me are much better than the plans I have for myself. I have to trust that He is going to do exactly what He says He is going to do. It worked put in the end for Noah and Abraham, didn't it?

I know many of you reading this are telling yourself, "Steph, what you are saing is a lot easier said than done". Trust me when I say I understand! I have been where you are. Friends, God has great things in store for you. If your lungs are taking in air, there is a purpose God still needs you to fulfill. You may not see where your future is headed, but God already knows where you have been, where you are, and where you are going. Just obey His word and have faith, and He will show you just how powerful He is. So my question for you is, what is holding you back from trusting Him? Your finances? A relationship? Your health? Whatever it is, my challenge to you would be to look whatever "it" is in the eyes and say, "My God is GREATER than anything I could possibly be going through". Stay Strong!

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns. (Philippians 1:6 NLT)

Unexpected Opprotunites

When I was invited to attended the Teen Wolf EyeCon 2014, I became extremely nervous. I did not know what to expect! It was my first convention ever with actors I have loved for years! What was I going to say to them? How was I going to make connections with people I didn't know over a weekend? I became so anxious about it, I considered not going at all. Since not going at all was clearly not an option, I swallowed my fears and braced myself for what I thought was going to be a long weekend. I also remember going to the convention only caring about meeting one specific actor. Little did I know how things were going to change. 

When I got to the hotel room, something told me to remember God. There was nothing stopping me from using this opportunity, despite how unlikely, to spread God's light somehow. By the end of the convention, the actors that I really didn't care to meet turned out to be the best part of the convention. They were so insightful, inspiring, and actually really fun to be around! To one autograph signing, I wore my "Keep Clam and Pray On" shirt and one of the actors complimented me on it! I was also able to connect with someone who really needed to release hurt from the past and slowly but surely make her way back to God.

A perfect example of this is Paul. In Philippians 1:12-14, Paul writes, "And I want you to know, my dear brothers and sisters, that everything that has happened to me here has helped to spread the Good News. For everyone here, including the whole palace guard, knows that I am in chains because of Christ. And because of my imprisonment, most of the believers here have gained confidence and boldly speak God’s message without fear." (Philippians 1:12-14 NLT). Even when he was in prison, he took the opportunity to preach the gospel to others! What excuse do we have? 

This weekend turned out to be the complete opposite of what I thought it was going to be. God was able to take a very unlikely situation and use it to spread his light through me! Use your testimony to help someone else who may be going through what you are going through. Never underestimate what God can do and never be too afraid to miss an amazing opportunity to spread God's love!

Two White Towels

Quite personally, I know first hand that one of the hardest things to struggle with as a Christian is purity. Many of us, including myself, have once thought, "How could God accept me after I've already blown it?" "It's too late for me. I can't erase what I have done". Well, the last statement is true. You can't erase what you've done or said, but you have to recognize that the first statements are lies the enemy wants you to believe to keep you from moving on and away from God's love. Now as you read this entry, you can apply this to sexual purity or purity of the body, but I am referring to purity in life in general. The interpretation is up to you. 

I am currently reading a fantastic book called Before You Meet Prince Charming by Sarah Mally and she explains purity using an analogy of two white towels. At first glance, there is no difference between the two. They are both white and clean. However, the first towel is clean because no one has touched it while the second towel is clean because someone took the time and effort to wash it. If you have never done anything wrong in your life, congratulations! You would obviously be represented by the first towel. Keep up the great work my friend! For the other 99.9% of humanity, your towel could have been so dirty, it was black! The good news is, Jesus is able to wash our towel so clean, one could not tell that there was ever a stain. 

This analogy changed my perspective on purity. You see, Jesus places high importance on purity that comes from the heart. Jesus explains purity by saying "First wash the inside of the cup and the dish, and then the outside will become clean, too" (Matthew 23:26 NLT). Every new relationship or situation is a new opportunity to follow God's word, regardless of how many times you have messed up before. Don't believe the lies of the enemy! Take time to cleanse your heart and mind with the God's word and let go of the past. The rest will fall right into place in due time. Stay Strong!

God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. (Matthew 5:8 NLT)